A bit of a departure here, into the realm of food.

For many years now, I’ve been trying to make the perfect fegato alla Veneziana, otherwise known as liver and onions. From Venice.

I do realise that I may not get out as often as I should and some people might even regard a dream of making the perfect fegato alla Veneziana as a fairly low ambition in the cosmic scheme of things. But I am of the firm belief that, if there’s a God, which there isn’t, he would very much enjoy a plate of liver and onions, if he were capable of eating it, which he isn’t because he doesn’t exist.

An onion.

Be that as it may, I have to say now that I have finally perfected this dish, and I would like to share it with you. The recipe, of course, not the dish.

Now there is a lot of controversy regarding th...

Roughly defined, spatial awareness is our ability to see two or more objects in relation to each other and to ourselves. It’s about judging relative size and distance. It prevents us from walking into walls, trees, lamp posts and slow-moving animals. It stops us from falling down holes. It’s probably one of our most basic survival skills and, as such, it’s something that we tend to take for granted.

Unfortunately, our ability to be spatially aware seems to be in decline. Particularly in Norway.

I’ve developed an elegant and thoroughly unscientific theory about this. According to this theory, Norwegians evolved without any special need for spatial awareness as there wasn’t much to be spatially aware of in the first place...

As human beings, we have a vested interest in keeping abreast of the latest developments in disease. And let’s not beat around the bush, diseases are evolving at a considerable rate. We’ve had bird flu, then swine flu, and shortly we’ll probably have hamster flu or even the extremely dreaded but so far hypothetical broccoli flu. The world is about to melt down into a pandemic that will reduce its entire population to three quantity surveyors in Bradford, Illinois.

So, in the interests of public safety, The Opposite considers it a duty to inform you of the latest and most interesting diseases to pose a threat to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, etc. Brace yourselves for a shock.

These diseases are:

Atkinson’s Chorea...

A great deal is written, and believed, about the healing power of crystals. According to the experts (doubtless all qualified geologists and crystallographers) crystals are capable of healing just about every disease from cancer to ear infections.

Far be it from me to disagree with these experts. Admittedly, if you believe that prevention is better than cure, you might find yourself festooned with enough jewellery to make the average gangsta rap artist look like a 16th century Calvinist, but if the experts say that bloodstones can cure cramp, who am I to disagree?

The problem that I have with this is not whether such therapy is effective – if they say it’s effective, I believe them – but just that it’s a bit too focused on bling...